The Ways We Experience Music

I find it endlessly interesting the different ways people experience music. We're all just so different. Some people listen to classical music when they want to be de-stressed, others (such as my brother, Connor) listen to hard rock. When I listen to hard rock, I feel determined to accomplish things, but my brother and a lot of my other friends listen to it, as I said above, to calm themselves down. They described it as letting the music be angry and stressed for them so they didn't have to be.

Again, I find this so interesting.

Also, with the way people transition to different types of music: I hop from band to band and go through a phase where that's all I listen to--usually new music that I've found on NoiseTrade or something--and really get to know that music until I find a new artist to love and move on to that. This keeps me feeling refreshed in terms of music, and though I'll always come back and listen to songs from the bands I love (especially in playlists that are themed, like a love song playlist), I often get tired of some artists and can't listen to any of their music for a while. Sometimes the bands I switch to will be old bands I haven't listened to in a while, and then I listen to them almost as if for the first time, because it's been so long and I've been filling my head with so many other songs.

Others that I know find it harder to switch to new music. They'll listen to the same music they've always listened to on shuffle all the time, and they have to be in a certain mood to invest in a new song. Once they do, they'll add it to their list of music they like and shuffle it all together.

This goes into what I just love about living--finding out how people operate, discovering their interests, tastes, how they view the world, how they experience things. It's one of my absolute favorite things to do--get to know people on a personal level. Understand where they're coming from, how they got there, and what they strive for.

And music is such a dynamic thing in most of our lives...you can tell a lot about how a person experiences music. If you want to, leave a comment or two about different ways you experience music! When you're feeling a specific emotion, you listen to ...what? And so on. I'd love to read them :)

The Three Rabbis

This is a fantastic section from the book I'm reading right now by Orson Scott Card, "Speaker For The Dead". It is an epigraph at the beginning of one of the later chapters, a writing by a Christian leader in the far-future science fiction setting Mr. Card has dreamed up. I thought it was rather poignant, so I decided to share it. 

“A Great Rabbi stands, teaching in the marketplace. It happens that a husband finds proof that morning of his wife's adultery, and a mob carries her to the marketplace to stone her to death.

There is a familiar version of this story, but a friend of mine - a Speaker for the Dead - has told me of two other Rabbis that faced the same situation. Those are the ones I'm going to tell you.

The Rabbi walks forward and stands beside the woman. Out of respect for him the mob forbears and waits with the stones heavy in their hands. 'Is there any man here,' he says to them, 'who has not desired another man's wife, another woman's husband?'
They murmur and say, 'We all know the desire, but Rabbi, none of us has acted on it.'

The Rabbi says, 'Then kneel down and give thanks that God has made you strong.' He takes the woman by the hand and leads her out of the market. Just before he lets her go, he whispers to her, 'Tell the Lord Magistrate who saved his mistress, then he'll know I am his loyal servant.'

So the woman lives because the community is too corrupt to protect itself from disorder.

Another Rabbi. Another city. He goes to her and stops the mob as in the other story and says, 'Which of you is without sin? Let him cast the first stone.'

The people are abashed, and they forget their unity of purpose in the memory of their own individual sins. ‘Someday,’ they think, ‘I may be like this woman. And I’ll hope for forgiveness and another chance. I should treat her as I wish to be treated.’

As they opened their hands and let their stones fall to the ground, the Rabbi picks up one of the fallen stones, lifts it high over the woman’s head and throws it straight down with all his might. It crushes her skull and dashes her brain among the cobblestones. ‘Nor am I without sins,’ he says to the people, ‘but if we allow only perfect people to enforce the law, the law will soon be dead – and our city with it.’

So the woman died because her community was too rigid to endure her deviance.

The famous version of this story is noteworthy because it is so startlingly rare in our experience. Most communities lurch between decay and rigor mortis and when they veer too far they die. Only one Rabbi dared to expect of us such a perfect balance that we could preserve the law and still forgive the deviation.

So of course, we killed him."

Not To Be Taken Lightly

I take the Bible seriously. That may step on some toes right there, but I believe wholeheartedly that the Bible is what it says it is: a divine revelation from the Creator of the Universe. And I believe that everything the Bible says is truth. They are not just stories. They are historical narratives that really happened.

Yes, that means that God created the world in six literal twenty-four hour days. And there was a worldwide flood. And there was one language until the Tower of Babel was being built and God confused the tongues of men.

And some people would call me insane for actually believing these things.

But when the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings says something, I'm going to listen.

I will not get into the semantics of proving the authenticity of the Bible. This has been done time and time again by hundreds of different scholars and theologians and ordinary people across the expanse of time. There are no contradictions in the Bible, and there is no part of the Word of God that is not truth to its very core.

What I want to talk about it Christians who decide that they can make the Bible into anything they want it to be. They are wrong, and they are doing something unbelievably dangerous: they are compromising.

This is a shout out to all Christians: read your Bible. Trust your Bible. Do not let people convince you of something unless you check your Bible first. It is God's Word to you and to everyone, and it should not be taken lightly. You should not set aside parts of the Bible that make you uncomfortable or that you don't agree with. That is wrong, and that is dangerous.

You should read the Bible as much as you can and learn as much as you can from it. God has things to say to you. But you should not decide arbitrarily what parts of the Bible you want to believe. Once you do that, you are not a Christian. You have created a god for yourself that is nothing like the God of the Bible.

Genesis is not a myth. Anyone who just reads those words at face value can argue otherwise. It's only when we decide that we want to shove man's opinions into this perfect book that it starts to get fuzzy. God is explicitly clear about what happened and how it happened. Everything in Genesis is historical narrative and that means that the world is six thousand years old and Darwin's ideas are null and void. If you are a Christian and you believe that God used evolution, you are wrong, and you have been influenced by atheists who want to make a world without God and therefore without accountability.

If you are unsure about something that the Bible says, read the Bible. If you find a part of the Bible that you are uncomfortable with, research that using other parts of the Bible, research it using other books, talk to other people, but always come back to the Bible, because that is the only thing that is truth, in the end.

If you aren't a Christian, you're probably screaming at me right now, thinking I'm crazy for basing everything I believe on one book and one book only. But I'm not talking to you. That's a conversation for another day. Christians: if you say you are a follower of God, the Bible is where you should base all of your opinions, all of the things you count as fact, and all of the things that you believe in. Obviously the Bible doesn't touch on a lot of topics in every day life, but if anything you learn in any situation seems to contradict the Bible, read the Bible and you will find a perfect explanation if you let God speak to you.

There are no contradictions in the Bible. Plain and simple. Anyone who thinks otherwise can challenge me, and though I might not know the answer at first to a specific question, I will find it and I will prove the contradiction to be nonexistent. You can count on that. Whether you accept it at that point is irrelevant.

As a last little thing here: you do God a disservice when you spend hours and days and months and years trying to prove a specific theology right or wrong just so you can be right about something or justify your own actions. The Bible is pretty clear, and though you obviously can't know all of the answers just by reading through it once, you can know exactly what it means to be a Christian and what is required of you as a follower of Jesus by simply reading the Word of God with an open heart, willing to be molded and shaped by Jesus Christ.

So, to close: read your Bible. It's the most important book you'll ever open.

The Girl Who Read My Book

Today I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge a person that made a tremendous influence on my life, despite the fact that I don't really know her that well. When I was first writing my epic fantasy novel, tentatively titled at that point "Incipient", I was just learning the ropes. I really had no idea what I was doing--I had based the book on the D&D campaign I ran for my friends, mostly because of how fun that story was and how much we all loved the characters. I had it in my mind that I would make the best book ever off of these characters' adventures, and then go on to write two more in an epic trilogy with dozens of viewpoint characters spread out across the world all involved in this amazing plot I had dreamed up.

It failed, for obvious reasons. I had too many rookie mistakes--too many viewpoints too quickly, too little really happening to catch interest, and way too many flashbacks interspersed among scenes Lost-style. But the characters, for the most part, were solid, and I do intend to go back and finish that book someday, albeit with a major overhaul.

Despite the book's faults, I attracted a reader on one of the forums I post my work on for critique. Her name was Emily, and one of the first things she commented when she read the prologue to my novel was "*shivers* Wow."

That was the beginning of an amazing journey.

Emily went on to avidly devour every chapter I posted, becoming immersed in my story and my characters and genuinely loving the entire experience. It was the coolest thing. She even made me a stick figure sketch of some of my characters--my first fan art. And best of all, she encouraged me to keep writing. Without her constant encouragement, feedback, and nagging when I didn't have a chapter up, I might not be pursuing a career in writing genre fiction.

She was the first person to see what I was trying to do. To really get it. She took my characters and she made them her own, like any reader of a good book will do. Looking back, there were some things I did right with that book, but for the most part, it was sort of hodge-podge and convoluted. But Emily saw the diamond in the rough. She saw the story that I was trying to tell, and she gave me her honest reaction to each scene, which helped so much to see what I was doing wrong and how I could fix it.

We don't keep in touch anymore, sadly, because of both of our lives being crazy, but someday I hope to get back in contact with her, or maybe even meet her in person and give her a big hug and tell her how much her simple enjoyment of my story meant to me. And you can get bet that when (not if, but when) I start publishing novels, one of them will be dedicated to her.

Here's to you, Emily, wherever you are. Thanks for everything. Thanks for believing in me. And thank you for showing me so much kindness.

EDIT: Oh, and if you want to see the fan art she drew for me... Here you go!

Explanation for what's going on here: I had written a good villain (Vangen), apparently, because Emily hated him (for the right reasons) and all she wanted was for my character Striker (who was working for the bad guys at the time) to save the poor slave girl that was being abused by Vangen. He didn't do so, so she took it into her own hands and created this.

And The Tears, They Finally Came

I'm sitting in the car, waiting for my brother to be finished with his dance lesson. He's part of a hip-hop class, and he's really good at it. He loves dancing. And I'm proud of him. But that's not what I'm thinking about.

I grab the novel sitting on the center console between the two front seats of the Suburban--I'm almost finished. I read for almost two hours today in the car on the way back from Dubuque. That might be why my stomach is churning and I have a headache. Or maybe it's because of something else.

I start reading. This book is good. The fourth book of one of my favorite series--I'm doing my annual reread of all of David Eddings' books. But I still don't feel well, and my eyes are strained from motion sickness, and so I put it down after only a few pages. I start feeling tired. Maybe I should just shut the lights off and try to take a nap or something. Not like that ever goes well for me. But I'm literally about to fall asleep, so...

I grab my headphones and start to put them in, searching through my music for some soft instrumental pieces to fall asleep to. I don't always do that, but sometimes it helps. I pick a Lowercase Noises track and close my eyes.

I can't fall asleep. The track is "Persistence", and it's one of those wonderfully nostalgic pieces that reminds me of the past and has me looking towards the future. I sigh and realize that I'm wide awake now, my thoughts racing at a hundred miles an hour. Four hours ago was the last time I saw them. The last time I'd see them for a long time. Again.

I haven't been sad about it, really. They're going to a fantastic college with fantastic people and learning fantastic things. I miss them, and they miss me, but we're all okay with the way things are. And that's pretty awesome. They have a home in Missouri now. I'm so excited for them.

We'll keep in touch. I know we will. And life is different, but life is still great, and God is still good. And I'll see them again along the road. But the music is still playing in my ears, and I feel nostalgic. So I take out the letter that she wrote to me.

I read it for the second time today. I smiled the first time I read it, after we all left Dubuque--I headed back to Janesville, and they headed back to Moberly. I smile again as I read it to nostalgic music. But this time I cry. I knew it was going to happen eventually, I'm a pretty emotional person. But it's not a sad, bitter cry, as so many have been before it. It's a happy little sob that wrenches at my heart and turns my brain to jelly as I thank God for everything that is amazing in my life.

It feels like a dam breaking loose, setting my emotions free and taking with it any remaining sense of loss I was holding on to. I finish the letter as I continue to sob. I grab my phone as a short verse comes to my mind. I start composing a tweet.

And the tears, they finally came
In between these bouts of rain
Time will tell, time will show
When this rain will make the flowers grow

I hit send.

2015 is just beginning. Life will be different. But life will be good. I know this.

My friends are still my friends, no matter where life takes us. I love them, they love me. Even if we disagree at times, even if things may drive us apart... We share something that ordinary people just don't understand. You see, we all met at this church in Janesville, and we all grew and learned and leaned on each other as we all held God's hand. And I don't think any of us will ever forget that. I still have them. I still have her.

That's enough.

The Girl

You try to work up the courage
To face your father again
But you ask “is it worth it?”
You already know how it’ll end

He wants you to grow up
To put aside those childish things
He’s had enough with who you are
Now he’s tryin’ to make you into someone you don’t want to be

Reach out, don’t hide
There’s a life waiting for you on the other side
You shout, and cry
Your tears can stain my shoulder, yeah, I don’t mind

Another night spent screaming
Shattered glass covers the floor
He raises his fist, you stop breathing
And you pray, God please no more

A rose blossoms on your cheek
As you crash to the ground
Your father tells you, “you’re so weak.”
But he doesn’t hear the whispered prayer, no, he doesn’t hear the sound
Of your voice over his, you’re crying

“Please, I can’t take one more step
God, won’t you save me from this death?
If I could hear Your battle cry
Your hand reaching out and grasping mine…”

Reach out, don’t hide
There’s a life waiting for you on the other side
You shout, and cry
Your tears can stain my shoulder, yeah, I don’t mind

If there’s one thing I could say
It’s “please God, take her pain away
Remind her that she’s not alone
Hold her hand and bring her home
To us, bring her home to us”

We’ll reach out, we won’t hide
Yeah, there’s a life waiting for us on the other side
We’ll shout and we’ll cry
But our tears can stain His shoulder, He won’t mind

This song was written first in inspiration of one of the main characters of my novel, To Look Skyward: a girl named Ilendia. But the more I got into the song, the more I started being inspired by some of the people from my own life, friends of mine who have gone through horrible family situations, and then this song became theirs. It's a plea to those who struggle to reach out and ask for help. You do not have to fight the darkness with a single candle.

My Writing Process

I want to be a writer. That is what I'm jumping for. And I don't want to be a journalist, I don't want to be a corporate writer, I don't even want to be a blogger, despite what I've written on here or my other blog. I want to be a storyteller. And I don't care if that's unrealistic--that's what I want to do, and that's what God has placed in my heart to do.

I've written and rewritten many stories, and yet never actually finished anything major. As of now, I have written many short stories, and one novella, which I am very proud of, but I have never finished a novel. I've written the first part of a novel--60,000 words of three parallel storylines that come to satisfying conclusions, but only if you have another 60k or 100k words to back it up--and the first few chapters of dozens of novels, but I've had a problem with finishing things. With the book I'm on right now, To Look Skyward, I plan to change that. It's going to be a massive undertaking. I'm already 50,000 words in, having finished NaNoWriMo with it, and I have barely even scratched the surface of the story. But I'll do it, and I'll revise it until it's a great story, and then I'll submit it. And then I'll start a new book. Because that's the life I've chosen for myself.

But enough about that. Let's talk about my writing process. It's changed considerably over the years I've been writing, and I continue to learn new things about how my brain works, and how I can best equip my mind to make quality stories. NaNoWriMo, especially, taught me many things about how I write.

I’ve been told there is a sliding scale to being a writer—on one end you have the discovery writer, who makes it up as they go, does what the story demands, what the characters want, rather than sticking to an outline. They do multiple drafts of one book, and some say their first draft is really just an incredibly extensive outline. On the other end you have the outliner—the guy who details what’s going to happen in every chapter, step by step, before he even puts his hand to the keys. The story doesn’t get away from him, he knows where he’s going from start to finish. And though something major may change during the course of the book, he usually has a very firm ending already in mind when he starts writing.

I’m somewhere in the middle between those two extremes, as most people are. I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about a book, envisioning key scenes and characters, listening to a specific film score I pick out for the story, helping me see certain events and set them to music in my head. I have a basic idea of what the story is going to be about, who is going to be major players, and what the ending is going to look like.

Then I write—I start with the first chapter and go. Beginnings are usually easy—since I’ve been thinking about this story for a while now, the beginning and the ending are usually firm in my mind, as well as a few key scenes that I want to happen in the middle. After that first chapter, though, I take another step back.

And then I outline the second chapter all the way through, figuring out what will be the goal, conflict, and outcome of each scene, trying to end with a satisfying resolution for that mini-arc of story. Then I write that out all the way to the end of the chapter.

But, I really don’t end up sticking to the outline very much. I’m probably more of a discovery writer than an outliner in a scene by scene basis. I let things fall where they may, writing myself into the story and the characters and letting them take it where they want it to. I make up characters on the fly when I need a specific person to be there, I change key events to make a better flow. And I usually end up changing the climax I had in mind considerably. Though I may plan out when a chapter ends, it almost always turns out to end sooner than I thought. I tend to end chapters when I feel the climax has come, a satisfying resolution has been accomplished. And I love to end a chapter (and a scene) on a great line that sets the tone and leaves you with a sense of completion, yet looking towards the future.

With To Look Skyward, my standard process has stayed mostly the same, though I did outline much more heavily than I ever have before. During the actual writing, I've realized dozens of things that have changed the outline and made it better, and I'll realize dozen more things as I continue to churn out the story. And though I have a basic idea of what my ending will be, and where I want to end up, the second half of TLS is much less defined than the first half. If I reach the halfway point and still don't quite know where I want the last half to go, I'll sit down with a few friends and brainstorm some ideas based on what I already have. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I still have a long way to go.

One of the things that I learned during NaNoWriMo that I'll add--I have to edit. Some writers talk about turning off their internal editor and just writing without any restraints, but I just cannot work that way. I am constantly checking and rechecking my writing as I go, making sure that the scene is cohesive and it's headed in the right direction, the continuity is consistent, and the wording is how I'd like it to be. Not to the point that it takes me forever to write something (I write fairly quickly anyway), but enough to make the completed first draft of a scene of mine pretty workable by the time I'm through.

One of the main things that went wrong during NaNoWriMo for me was when I got behind. I knew I couldn't do my normal checking and rechecking of the scene, and so I was forced to barrel onward when I knew the writing I was leaving behind wasn't good. It frustrated me so much. I ended up finishing a chapter just to finish it, and sent my character in a completely random direction simply because I had no idea what to do next. Once NaNoWriMo was over, I took a step back, deleted all of the text after the point I had gotten stuck, and tried again. I was so much more satisfied with the new version of the chapter than the old, because I got to take some time to truly think about the scene and what it needed, rather than writing it simply to be writing.

For some people, that works, and they could write a bunch of scenes that they know they're going to throw away completely or rewrite the heck out of, and they can do a dozen drafts, but I just don't work like that. I like to be neater than that, and have my first drafts make as much cohesive sense as possible.

To close this slightly rambly entry, I'd like to talk about one of my favorite podcasts, Writing Excuses, with some of my favorite authors--Brandon Sanderson, Dan Wells, Howard Tayler, and Mary Robinette-Kowal. They are on their tenth season, and are the main reason I know how to write a story. Their tips and tricks have been so unbelievably helpful to me, and have helped me shape my writing process, and now, for their tenth season, they are structuring the entire year of podcasts as a master class! And that has me super excited, because it means I get to learn more about the art of writing in a way that'll be super informative (not that it hasn't already been informative...)! So, if you're at all interested in writing science fiction, fantasy, horror, or any other kind of genre fiction, check out Writing Excuses, and get in on this awesome master class thing they're doing. You won't regret it.

That's all from the guy who likes to fancy himself a storyteller.