Brother (I've Been There Before)

The title of this post is also the title of one of my favorite songs, written and performed by a band called the New Ancestors. It tells the story of a brother who has made mistakes, so many mistakes, and is now pleading with his sibling to keep fighting, keep going on the straight and narrow.

That song defines my life more than I'd ever care to admit.

I am the older brother who always screwed everything up. I would always be the one fighting with our parents. I was the one who would say something stupid and really hurt one of my brothers. I was the one who would make the bad decisions, and reap the consequences. My brothers didn't have to--I was making enough mistakes for all three of us.

I still feel like that, even at nineteen. I'm not saying I am a horribly sinful person who is secretly not following after God and will walk away from my faith the first chance I get. I am saying that I'm a broken human being who has made more mistakes than I would ever care to share.

But the point of this journal entry is not to talk about my mistakes, or wallow in self-pity. The reason I'm writing this is to tell you how much I love my brothers, and how proud I am of them. They are better people now than I ever was, and maybe ever will be. They consistently follow after God with all of their hearts and minds, and have not compromised. Not like I have.

I was having a conversation with one of my friends the other day about how great of a guy my brother Connor was. We eventually just said "he's just awesome. I'll never be as a great as he is." And we both knew it was true. My brother Connor is an amazing young man that is following after God with everything he has. I'm not saying he's perfect, or that he has it all together, and I'm not idolizing him. I'm simply stating fact. He has consistently followed after and sought after God in a way that I can't claim to.

Connor sees everything in black and white. He does not compromise--and yet, when he's confronted with the truth, when he's confronted with a mistake he's made, he will own up to it. He won't make excuses. He'll check his behavior with what the Word of God says, and if he's found wanting, he will change. He's pretty great like that. I've had so many good conversations with him about everything--from God to stories to science to politics--and talking with him may be one of my favorite things to do. Ever.

And even though we think in completely different ways, we get along unbelievably well. We agree on pretty much everything, and when one of us disagrees, we talk it out and check with the Bible and end up figuring out the answer that proves both of us wrong and points us in the right direction.

And my little brother, Chase. He is the greatest kid. He's always nice to everyone around him, and so ready to serve. His friends love him, and he is loyal, kind, and amazingly tender-hearted. And he's observant, perceptive. He can usually tell you what's going on with a person just by listening to them talk and analyzing their behavior. And I am so unbelievably proud of how earnestly he seeks after God. He's also very adventurous and loves using his imagination--in a way that poignantly reminds me of my own childhood.

All this to say, I love them both. They've learned from their mistakes, and I've learned from mine (and they've learned from mine), and we're all better for it. One of the things I most look forward to is seeing what God has in store for each of us. All I know is that I couldn't ask for better siblings, better friends, better brothers to stand side by side with as we face life together.

So, here's to you, Connor and Chase. And here's to never growing up.